A bit about me...
Hi, my name is Chaplain Barb Wray. I am Certified as a Grief Recovery Method Specialist™ with The Grief Recovery Institute® since 2004 and most recently have added to my tool belt the 1-On-1 Online Advanced Training as well as Life Coaching. This advanced training has literally opened up the world, to be able to share these tools on-line, face-to-face, to anyone with an internet connection. My wish is that I had these tools decades ago.
My childhood was surrounded by a great deal of trauma that included alcoholism, perfectionism, narcissism, divorce and more. One never knew when the 'shoe' would drop and often it was at a family event. Talking about things was not encouraged, probably because their pain was overwhelming for them too. Being an only child I was expected to be perfect, quiet and entertain myself. The rules seemed to change daily so it was difficult to find a balance.
My biological father was an alcoholic and workaholic who was great at his business, not so much in anything else. He was violent and unfaithful to my Mom, and didn’t want her to work or drive. He felt every woman was after him and always bragged about his dates - something an adult daughter never wants her father calling her drunk at 2am about. He felt that 'women didn't need to go to college, etc., as their husbands would have to look after them anyways'. To him, women were things not people, who had no rights - so boundaries were not something he adhered to. He didn’t value their opinion and had a warped belief that most women in the world were after him. He later had dementia but I was able to find some nice memories to cherish before his passing.
I didn't realize when my father said the words about women, that I internalized how stupid and worthless I was and always felt 'less than' and 'unworthy'. Translated to my life was difficulty in trusting God (who was also a man). I believed that God must be a 'lightning bolt God' that would surely zap me when I stepped out of line as that was how my authority figures often were. It took me many years to realize that God's love was perfect and unconditional.
In life we tend to attract what we believe is ‘normal’ rather than ‘healthy’. It is directly related to what we feel we deserve and our self-worth. I wanted a Prince Charming to rescue me but it wasn’t fair of me to place that expectation on anyone. My expectations were often unrealistic and not being sure if I could trust my ‘gut’ made it difficult to screen properly. When mentors came into my life, more healing took place, but it took hard work.
When Grief Recovery was introduced to me in 2003 by a friend, I was very hesitant in attending. When I arrived I felt safe with the leader and the participants. I started to realize how much I was carrying in my heart, with the many losses I had experienced in life. To avoid criticism I had learned to stifle crying about 2 years prior, and now, I was able to cry buckets. I was in a safe place where what I felt was 'heard' and there were actual tools for me to tackle the many unfinished relationships that I so longed for them to be 'different, better or more'. Now my shoulders actually felt lighter.
My healing was so significant that I became certified to lead classes in 2004. They did not conflict with my belief system and faith, and the tools helped me to find completion in relationships that I wished were different. When the ability to lead 1-on-1 classes online came forward in 2018, I was thrilled as now barriers of location and time zones were not a factor any longer.
I have had the privilege of people talking with me about their heartache and have been referred to for decades. Each time I am thrilled to be able to come along-side, encourage and support them. These Grief Recovery tools are specific and I have been able to see people move forward – in a specific time line.
I would be honoured to give you a FREE, confidential 45 minute consult without any obligation. You are welcome to share and ask any questions and we can see if we are a good fit to work together. If we are not, I will try and help you find someone who is (if you would like that).
I look forward to chatting soon and wish you a blessed day!!
If you would like to also move forward ... contact me for a free consult.
Chaplain Barbel Wray
Certified Advanced Grief Recovery Method Specialist™
Life Coach, Funeral Celebrant, Mentor, Speaker, Musician
Hope Life Coaching & Consulting