Summary of Weeks # 5 - 7
In these relationships, we can wish we had more time to enjoy the dream of the future. Or, the dream of having some (or any) positive memories to hold in our hearts. Perhaps it was losing our childhoods, or the innocence of it. This in no way condones abuse, but helps us to transfer the responsibility to the abuser to lift the blame, shame, hate associated with the harm so that you don't have to carry it any longer. Some see it as ripping up the note, burning it in the fireplace as a symbol of releasing it to God (or Higher Power) so it doesn't stop us from enjoying future relationships. This is key to taking away the power the abuser has on us.
We tackle 1 relationship at a time which includes the sudden death of someone (suicide, miscarriage). The unfinished dreams we had for that little one that we wished were 'different, better or more'. The positive & negative events are important to note as relationships are made up of good/bad, right/wrong, sweet/sour. In other words, are not ALL bad or ALL good. The more significant the event, the longer the line (positive/negative).
Now we tackle that same relationship (1 at a time), of the things left unsaid --- feelings, apologies (what you did/did not do), forgiveness (or acknowledgement of event), along with Significant Emotional Statements. These can be "I'm proud/ashamed, that we specifically wish was/was not said or done by ourselves and this person. This is taking out what we are taught in society to stuff (which doesn't work). The objective is to become complete, not further hurt yourself. Again, with abuse, it is perhaps acknowledging the rage of what was done, and how it kept you angry and hateful for years. (Abuse is never okay, and there is never an excuse for it. This is to release YOU from carrying the intense feelings associated with it). Letting go - is an action not a feeling that we may feel at first.
You're in the HOME stretch now. Now bring the Relationship events and statements in the form of a letter. This helps you to verbalize the things that need to be said in the safety of a person often outside the situation, so you don't feel you have to filter what you say. Saying these things to an empty chair, a picture or gift/momento, can also be helpful with a witness of a safe person. This now COMPLETES relationship #1 (of 3) to tackle which also ensures you have learned the tools so you are ready to tackle future life events and relationships.
Dear ___ I have been reviewing our relationship and have some things I want to say. I _____ for my part in the disagreement. I am letting go (if appropriate forgiving, not condoning) of the things I wish were different, better or more in this relationship. I am releasing it all to God (Higher Power) and not carrying it any longer. In fact, I am saying GOODBYE to this (part or whole) of the relationship. (If appropriate - I appreciate, I love, I care for ... and wish you well).