What is helpful

to do or say towards Grievers...

Firstly, the BEST thing to say, when appropriate to say anything at all...

"I'm SO sorry for your loss" 

(that's all).

 

Just being there, being a "heart with ears" is often the very best.  Listening without speaking, judging, correcting, and without interruptions.

NEVER say "I know how you feel" because you actually don't.  Are feelings, relationships, personality, etc. - are all unique to us.
 

DON'T ASSUME - ASK them "How are you doing?"  It's okay if they cry, or you cry.  Remember - it's not your 'job' to take away their pain (and it is not possible).

Please work at eliminating certain words in all you say... "you" "should" "always" "never" - they are not helpful for anyone.

Giving them freedom to choose to attend an event (or not).  Offer a food plate delivered to them (without any expectations).